An Update Concerning the Tooth Fairy's Downward Spiral

A few days ago, I wrote on Facebook that I woke up with some mystery cake by my side.  Here was the exact post in case you didn't see it:

"I woke up this morning hugging a piece of cake. I have no idea how it got there, so I hypothesize this is what happened:

In order to keep up with her ever growing addiction to mainlining tooth enamel, the Tooth Fairy was trying to speed up the tooth harvesting process by delivering tooth-rotting sweets during the night.

Little does the Tooth Fairy know that I use Crest, the ultimate defense against the Cavity Creeps. Bitch."

Toothina Tooth, circa 1986

Well, apparently my hypothesis was spot on and once word spread globally, the Expedited Tooth Loss Market dried up, and the Tooth Fairy was cut off from her main source of enamel-based smack.  Desperate for her next fix, she concocted a plan to start a business similar to the "Cash 4 Gold" enterprises.  Here's a quick sketch I made as I drove past her yesterday.  As you can tell, she has completely let herself go... Since she's cash deprived, I suppose this was the best thing she could think of for potential customer compensation:

That's just fucking embarrassing, sad, and as hard to look at as Sarah McLachlan ASPCA commercials.  The Fairy we knew and loved for decades is completely wrecked.  As tempting as it may be, I urge you to not take her up on her offer for your molars.  Lets unite as one, help the TF when she bottoms out, and with a little luck she'll get off the 'Namel.  Yes we can!

Song stuck in my head while writing this:





My next blog is going to be a massive post about all my friends and family... Stay tuned for that and see if I immortalized you in the form of prose...  Smell ya later; Kris Bryan Is Nuts.